Done

Having a significant other is not an excuse to ditch friends.. contrary to popular belief. It's actually not that hard to balance a boyfriend with pre-existing friends. There is no reason to block out best friends when you start dating someone, even in the beginning! If you can't balance friends & your sig other, you're probably going to lose the friends. When you break up with the sig other, you have to create a life without them. And you may have to go shopping for new friends that don't know you'll drop them for your next boyfriend. Unless they know your old friends.

I can't get over how people think there's nothing wrong with ignoring previous best friends to make time for a significant other. Your significant other doesn't need to be the center of your life. They should be part of it, not the whole thing. So few people understand this that I can count them on one hand.

I wish people wouldn't tune me out when I explain that I think people should keep a part of their life separate from the relationship- you should still be able to hang out with old friends and take part in hobbies you enjoy. You don't have to always be with your sig other!

Please realize this before you lose all your friends.

One Thing?

In an episode of House, one of his patients is a famous musician. The patient comments that neither he or House is married with a life beyond work. The patient goes on to say that this is because they both have one thing, this one passion that consumes their life. They're the best at what they do in this one area, but they don't have time for anything else. Normal people, on the other hand, he says, have spouses, children, hobbies, etc- because they don't have that one thing.

When you have a really strong passion in one area of your life, it can be easy to let the rest of life pass you by. You put 100% of your efforts into that one passion, because you're not happy unless you do.

But is letting other parts of life pass you by the right thing to do? I mean, aren't there plenty of people who are "the best" at what they do, but they still have families and lives besides their work?

I have at least two passions that mean the world to me, and if I can't succeed in those areas, I don't want to be alive. Death is more desirable to me than a generic life. I mean, if all you're doing is working at some job you don't care about, the world doesn't need you. You've become generic- because someone else could do your job, just as well as you do it. That's why it's so important to follow your passions. But at the same time, how far should you follow them? I guess that's something you figure out as you live life..

I feel a rise in Cortisol right about now..

What is it, ex-act-ly, that makes a new job so stressful? Is it the fear of not being qualified for the job? If that was the case, then you wouldn't have been hired.. Theoretically. Is it the annoyance of buying suitable work clothes? The fear of buying the wrong type of work clothes & appearing out of place? Is it pre-stress; as in, stressing about being stressed later for having less time in your schedule due to the new job? Is it fear of the unknown? Is it fear that the job won't be worth your time? Is it fear that it will take time from your highest priorities? Or the unease that your "highest priorities" are being pushed out of the way for a need for money & social support? Or is it stressful just to realize you're stressed & you can't fix it because there are too many factors out of your control?

I think all of those questions contribute to why a new job is stressful. Now I'm going to have to find a way to neutralize them. Force my brain not to perceive these things as stressful. Can that last through a change in emotion, though? Because if not, there's not point in "fixing" it, if it's just going to come undone as soon as a new state of emotion or change in perception toward the situation occurs.

Hmmm..

Community

I hate College Park. It's definitely the dirtiest, most disgusting place I have ever lived. I also happen to live there, obviously not by choice. The only reason I haven't up & moved is the same reason I moved here in the first place: college. But the mere fact that it's a college town is what repulses me most. The more I mature & grow up, the more repulsing everything is. The majority of people living in the area are 18-22 years old. Now that I'm 22, the majority are the same age or younger than I am.

I haven't made many friends in College Park because most of the people I meet aren't worth having friendships with. I'm not stuck up, I just don't care to spend time with 22 yr olds who call themselves best friends & talk about eachother behind their backs. I mean, it's been four years since highschool; please GROW UP.

In the last year, I've practically spent more time in every surrounding city than here in College Park. That's how much it repulses me. But I've realized something. It's much easier to keep up friendships when you see the friends more often. This happens more if you live near them. Your paths just have a greater chance of crossing.

While I've realized that already, I wasn't able to put it into practice because I wasn't making friends in the area. I tried, but "making friends" was the end goal. I put everything into clubs, activities, school groups, in an effort to make friends, but to no avail. Hence, why I kept hanging out with friends in Baltimore, DC, Virginia, MoCo, etc.

But I've finally broken through a wall. It's like an invisible wall that I'd been searching for and finally walked through- without knowing it at the time & without much direction. I just stumbled through it.

Basically, I prioritized what was most important in my life. Most important is graduating college & getting a dietetics internship. Second is having social life/support system. Once I cut out distractions, things started improving drastically. I cut out everything that was keeping me from reaching my ultimate goals- mostly people I relied too much on & activities that weren't healthy. I needed to stop relying on people so I could focus on my top two priorities.

Once I started focusing, I actually started to make friends. It's like that was the key I'd been missing. I finally chose just two things to focus on, ran to my goals with side blinders on, and friends came along with it.

At first it's lonely, cutting out everything. But putting 100% into what's most important to you has its own satisfaction. It also makes you more happy with yourself. I'm not really sure why friends result from this, but I guess chasing your passions will cause you to run into people who share them. So it really is true- the more you're involved with your community (not the next city, not the place you wish you lived, but YOUR neighborhood), the more it starts to become your home.

It's important to have a place you call home. I know, because I went 2 years without having one. Home, to me, means a place where you feel connected to other people. Where you run into friendly faces, where people are truly happy to see you, know your name, actually take a minute to stop and chat. These are the little things that give you a sense of belonging in a city. Having friends and being connected to other people allows you to share your successes and failures, enjoy activities, learn, and get farther in life than you would on your own. And I think that's what life's all about. To put it simply, people need people.

Being connected to your community is really what makes it your home. And I have finally found mine.

Single is to married friends as oil is to...

Not going insane while all my friends are getting married? I'd like to say it's a breeze, but truthfully, its near impossible.

I mean, can you really avoid concentrating on the reality that you're all alone when it continually slaps you in the face?

I make the group an odd number, I have to ward off the creepy guys on my own, I'm the one people avoid inviting because then they'd have to invite another single person "for me", I have to endure lengthy male glances & completely inappropriate comments/pickup lines literally anywhere I go, I have to be both the navigator in the passenger seat & the driver at the same time, I talk to myself since there's rarely anyone listening or truly willing to listen, people actually take more interest in my life when I have a boyfriend, I'm the one that gets volunteered for all the dares at bachelorette parties, I'm the only one not checking in with parents or husbands/boyfriends while hanging out with literally anyone, I'm the "bitter" one who never looks forward to valentines day, I don't get easter baskets or chocolates or flowers, none of my jewelry has special meaning, I'm the only one who notices when I'm sad, I don't know the answer when guys ask why I don't already have a boyfriend, I don't enjoy chick flicks, I give myself back and neck massages, I'm that person sitting alone at the bar chatting up strangers, and yes, I'm the one who glares at cluelessly happy couples.

But I'm also the one who has the craziest first date stories, comes home at 5 in the morning, gets free dinners & drinks, hops the fence at night to go swimming and have makeout fests with random hot guys, makes the best sarcasm about non-singles, buys myself presents instead of wasting the money on a restaurant I didn't want to go to, gets the best sleep because I don't have someone trying to fuck or cuddle me in their wet dreams, my accomplishments mean more to me because I won them on my own, I contribute more to the friendships in my life because I don't have one person sucking up all my time or energy, I bake double recipes of my favorite cookies from scratch and don't have to share, I eat out of the fridge because I don't have to schedule my life around anyone, I can walk away from arguments, I can throw my purse on the passenger seat, I can listen to my favorite 30 seconds of 10 different songs in a row without annoying people who want to listen to the whole song, I can listen to my favorite radio station 100% of the time, I don't have to sit thru sports games or take interest in things I have zero interest in, I can hit on hot strangers and grind/dance with anyone I please at clubs with a clear conscience, I can dress slutty to my heart's content and go out on the town without it being an issue, I can go dancing or jump in water fountains without boyfriend feeling awkward 'cause he doesn't want to join in, I can have close male friends and bartend and pole dance if I want to without creating jealousy or suspicion in someone else, I don't have to schedule date nights, I can be completely spontaneous and disappear for days at a time and not answer to anyone- ie, go to the beach for a day & make friends there & come home knowing I had a blast without waiting around for people to have time for me, I have TIME to learn a new language or design clothes or read old microbiology textbooks, or work multiple jobs, I don't feel the pain of missing my significant other when he's not around, I don't have to worry about what my family thinks of my boyfriend, I don't have to kiss a man with bad breath if I don't want to, no one chides me when I eat icecream for dinner, there's noone to get pisst off at because there IS no one, I don't have to tell anyone what I'm thinking, I can have sex with anyone I want, and I can, essentially, do whatever I want.

Still.. the benefits of being single don't compare most of the time, because there's no one to share the experiences with afterwards. Unless I want to blab about my irresponsible adventures to non-single people who usually start judging me inside their heads automatically. But I would like to know how they'd handle it?

And I'm only 22. I wonder what this pressure will feel like in a couple years when all my friends start having kids?