Goals

Sometimes I'm just so unsure of where my life is going. Or how to actually work toward the goals I have. Goals aren't hard to make. It's figuring out exactly to carry them out, day to day, without giving up before the month is over that's hard. Once you make it through a month of practicing a new habit, you're fine. But getting there is tough.

Sometimes I don't have the energy or space of mind to choose the decision I truly want to make. And then I just revert back to my lazy self and don't change for the better.. I end up swimming in the same problems because I lose the momentum of excitement that initially motivated me.

Some people are so good at taking something and working through it until it's finished. AKA my sister Rebecca. She is the most persistent person I've ever known. When she wants something done, she sees it through to the end. No matter how many hurdles she has to jump over, or how many people she has to convince to help her (or do it for her). I'm usually too impatient and afraid that things won't come out right or that they won't be worth the effort. Or that I'll prove myself stupid and worthless in the process. This applies to nearly everything I've come up against this semester: making friends with my roommates, getting enough sleep, studying for my chemistry classes, handling my relationships with males, etc.

Sometimes I wish I could just make a decision ONE TIME. Not each time I come up against it. The more times I have to make the decision, the more times I screw up. But hey, perfection isn't gain. Making mistakes is how you learn.

But I hate making mistakes. And the more leadership positions you take, the more people see your mistakes. I don't think I was cut out to be a leader. It doesn't come naturally to me. And I don't understand why in this culture it's valuable for everyone to bring leadership experience into their career. Why can't the natural born leaders just work together with us followers? Are there just not enough of them?

Anyway, I've made my goal of the week. And this time I'm going to be more persistent in achieving it.

People Suck

You know what? People suck. More specifically, roommates. And even more specifically, roommates who do the following:

1. Has her boyfriend sleep over 2-5 times a week. In the same room as you.

2. Doesn't notify you at all that their boyfriend is going to sleep over, even though you pay just as much rent for the room as she does. And he doesn't pay any rent.

2.5 When she thinks you suspect the boyfriend is coming over, at 1am she tells you "bye, i'll see you tomorrow" and comes back 20 minutes later with the boyfriend. Just to keep you guessing.

3. Brings her boyfriend over to help her make a present for a gift exchange (because she can't tie knots on the edge of a BLANKET on her own?) and argues with with him the first 10 minutes. Even though he came over to help.

4. Sprays perfume that smells like a prostitute with STIs. In our room. On days it's cold outside and opening the windows is not desirable.

5. Talks so loud you sometimes think she's addressing the entire apartment complex, minus you.

6. Tends to talk non-stop only when you're trying to get homework and 2 million other things done. When you have time to talk to her, she is busy..

7. Interrupts every 2.5 sentences you say. Or stops listening at the 2.5 sentence limit.

8. Doesn't respond when you mention anything related to women not needing men or I don't need a boyfriend right now. It's absolutely foreign ground to her.

9. Asks how your day was/what you did, but stops listening as soon as you say anything (apparently the 2.5 sentence limit is generous sometimes).

9.5 Doesn't show adequate, if ANY acknowledgement that she hears you when you tell her: you're going to bed early, need her to put her phone on silent when you sleep, or that you need to get better quality sleep.

10. Texts even more than you, so that you start to wonder who she is txting every 1.7 minutes

11. Sleeps so restlessly that it makes you sleep restlessly.

12. Makes it so hard to get to bed at a reasonable time, that it's not worth trying.

13. Sleeps peacefully through the night and into the morning, through your alarm as you get up to go to class in a zombie state day after day.

14. Still manages to make you like them for who they are.