Directions

Garmins, Tom Toms, Magellans.. Do you really need one? Having a GPS is definitely useful at times, but besides the fact that phone GPS's are soon going to outdate Garmins, I just see GPS's as another thing to carry around.

I would rather look up directions beforehand; yes, this sometimes takes longer if you can't find the right road, but you know the area better if you always look it up beforehand because you can add a small amount of new information to the map you already have in your head. Eventually, you end up having a pretty large map in your head- instead of blindly following arrows. It's like dialing in a phone number instead of just pressing SEND on your cell phone. Then when your cell phone or GPS is out of battery, you aren't completely screwed.

I just love the thrill of thinking I'm lost and yet forging a successful route in spite of it! Today I was on my way home from a friend's house and took a different road than normal. I quickly realized why I've never taken that route before. In minutes I was in downtown DC, driving right past the Washington Memorial. The last time I've been close to that was in the summer, when I was on foot with no idea of which roads were around me.

Route 50 quickly dissipated into Constitution Ave, which forked into Pennsylvania, then Louisiana. I decided to follow another car that seemed to know where it was going when I got to the fork. I ended up going in circles in front of Union Station. I recognized it, but had only ever been there via Metro. Finally, I found my way out and just happened to see the sign for North Capitol Street. This was some pretty wild luck- I only know North Capitol because I use it to get to work on the weekends. After that I was home free.

Unfinished Mementos

You call me ‘best friend’

But that’s more of a nice thought-

Not a reality

And you act so loyal

That it’s a cold shock

When you forget about me

So no one sings about friendship,

But this is important

You think I’m so entertaining

But I’m just living while you

Drown in limits

You sit here and enjoy the ride

But I’m kicking you out & now

You’re outa friends

If a failed friendship upsets you,

Maybe you shouldn't have

Tossed it away

The point is that

Friends don’t leave you hangin or standin alone, and

Friends don’t ignore you when you dial their phone

If you really wanted to be friends,

You wouldn’t have insulted me

For wanting to hang out

If you knew what listening was,

You wouldn’t have kept yelling

Nonsensical phrases

You blame it all on me,

But you're the one who's changed

A co-dependent blob repelling me

The brain leaked out of your head

And now you say

I invented everything that’s wrong

Don't you forget that

Friends don’t make you feel like shit for trying to be friends;

Real friends are there for you, even when life's a mess

You just wanna stay in your

Comfy little boyfriend nest,

Force me to accept my replacement

If you could get your head to reality

We’d have more words between us

But you'll be stuck a while yet

You're lost in a tunnel of "love"

Where you soak up boyfriend love

But don't love your friends

The death of our friendship

Pains you most, 'cause

I don’t miss a shitty friend

Lyrics

But now I hold my head up high
And you see me
With somebody new
I'm not that stupid little person still in love with you
So you thought you'd just drop by
And you expect me to be free
But now I'm saving all my loving
For someone who's loving me


Lyrics from one of my favorite artists- Cake: I will Survive

Secrets

It's a bit disappointing to realize you've found one of the "secrets of life," just to simultaneously realize no one cares. Of course people care about the secret of life part, they just don't care that I've found it.

Parents are more concerned with their children being able to support themselves. Secrets of life are something they're happy to hear about after you've found a steady job, found a man "to take care of you".. you know, the things parents are primarily concerned with.

It's really friends that care about the little steps in your life, the mundane details, the instances that lead to your finding the "secrets" of life. They probably find it more interesting because they're often going through similar life events.

Plus, I've pushed my friends away. Ever since I broke up with my first/only serious boyfriend, I decided I didn't want to be that close to anyone.. for a very, very long time. To lose someone who knew you better than you know yourself.. that's hard to recover from. You can make new friends, but you just can't replace people.

Plus, the people I've since befriended have turned out to be complete idiots. So for now I guess I prefer to keep the secrets of life.. a secret.

Thought of the day

Boyfriend. noun; The nice guy you settle for when you realize that the hot bad boys you fall for are just manwhores who make you cry as often as they make you come.

                                                                    -Urban Dictionary

Better Said

One of the best blog posts I've read in a very long time:
Faking Enthusiasm Over Engagement Announcements
(Pretty much describes my feelings over the past four years).

And no, I will not be going to my brother's wedding, for those of you who were concerned.. Didn't know I had a brother? That's okay, I forget sometimes, too.

Motives

"[He] calls me up to say [he]'s coming over.. So I run home, just to wait around.. I'm so addicted to you, and you're such a dick to me." -Lyrics from Lit

Maybe it's just infatuation, but sometimes you realize you would do anything for someone. Well.. maybe you'd just do alot for them. But how do you know what your motives are? Is it infatuation? Is there a clear line between infatuation (where the perceived end result is probably selfish) and genuine concern for a person? I mean, what if you're both infatuated and genuinely concerned? That can happen, right?

Can you genuinely love a person if you're also infatuated with them? I mean, is that at all possible? I guess you would have to grow out of your infatuation by choosing to look at what's best for them; as opposed to selfish motives. But can you ever completely rid yourself of selfish motives??

I don't know. I mean, think about it. Say you love someone. Someone who's going through a tough time and their life is a mess. If you want to show this person love- and I mean real love (aka loving them for who they are, love that their actions can't change)- well, MOST ways you look at it, you're trying to love them for selfish results. Like so they'll love you back.. or at least appreciate you.. or even just so you can grow up through loving them "selflessly." Can you ever get away from selfish motives?

Are selfish motives even wrong? Should we be trying to get away from them? Aren't they what drive pretty much everything we do? Well, if selfish motives drive essentially all human choices, they can't be all wrong; we'd never be able to win!

Too much thinking, time for bed. Sorry this post didn't end up making much sense.

Quandary

Today is one of those days where I just need comfort food & comfort friends.. I feel restless and life feels new and strange. Not like a worn-in shoe, the way it normal feels.

I always used to have a person who I could run back to; my friendship & interactions with him would remind me what's really important in life.. that most things really aren't worth worrying about.. he would make me laugh and remind me why I love being me.

I don't have that person in my life anymore. So I have to be that person to myself. I have to remind myself what makes me tick, that people do care, and that making the right choices are worth it in the end. Shortcuts and things done for momentary pleasure are just that; they only mean something in the here and now.

I don't really know what I'm trying to explain. I just need to get past this need for comfort from outside sources. People, things.. can be comforting & bring pleasure. But I'm finding that I simply can't rely on just that.

Also, I would like to say:

If you aren't apologetic to a friend about something you did to hurt them, you have no right to call them a friend or even really be in their life.

That's all.

Quotes

Yes, I keep a rolling commentary of quotes that happen throughout my life. And/or tv shows.


MS: "No! That is the fun of this place. I call everybody 'faggie'. Why would anybody find that offensive?"


A: "How to get free starbucks lesson 576.....flirt with the barista boy and let him know you've been there all day."


M: "Atta girl. Show 'em who's boss and what reality tastes like"


R: "I now have a fear of bed frames breaking beneath me.. [and my BMI is only 18.5]"


A: "Just trying to work & being 'slightly' unproductive, lol."
R: "Same.. Was supposed to read a bunch today but instead a) bought a frehhkin bed frame, b) talked to my ex, and c) read about science unrelated to my class."


Coco Chanel: "In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different."

Bandersnatch: "There must be some correlation between how long one has lived unsuccessfully alone, and how successful they are in a subsequent relationship."

B: What are you up to today?

R: Sleep marathon.. Its what i do sundays

L: "Omg if you eat a banana right before you go to bed you get dreams like crazy because of the surge of electrolytes.."

R: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Which means you're not a beholder"


CardBoardBoxPro to a friend: "You keep coming up in quick match so Whatever I am messaging you."

R: "I have a stomach of steel; if I catch anything, it just ends up as upper respiratory sickness."

U: You're young, you're hot- you should not be in a Snuggie!

A: "This is my favorite christmas song just because i want it to be true.. sometime."

My Dad: "Today it may be raining in your world, but tomorrow you'll feel the sun on your face again."

R: "Today I almost rear-ended a car... WITH MY BIKE!"

R: "My phone got water damage last summer, so now when it's freezing outside the phone screen scrambles & I can't see anything on it."

S: "Not funny but Lol."


B: Actually it's not a present; it's my penis.

R1: "I was out late last night."

R2: "WHERE?"

R1: "da club."

R2: <Can't stop laughing>

C: I’ve recently stopped giving a shit what anybody thinks. And I feel great.

S: But you have cancer.

C: And you have a dead father; both of us make people really uncomfortable...So we can pretend everything’s normal or we can just be our strange selves."

R: "If shoes could talk.. I would prefer that to walls."


R: "I feel like I'm taking myself too seriously when I wear heels.."
K: ".....Do you even own a pair of heels?"

Default: "..I can't explain/ What it's like not knowing/ If I'll ever cross your mind.. "
R: "..So I just assume I do"

Sex and the City's Miranda: "And where’d you find that.. Convenient theories for you monthly?"

RM: "Nope. You're gorgeous. You will have to whine alot AND wear scrubs and possibly shave your head or wear a burka [to keep men from interrupting your thoughts everywhere you go]."

B: ..not playin any shows, but def planning to get crunk tonite

R: Arite, you be cr and I'll be unk.

Yours Truly: "I miss the days when friends cld be counted on cuz boyfriends didn't change them into alien creatures who suddenly stop wanting to hang out with their best friends." 

Maroon5 "Saying I love you has nothing to do with meaning it."

TFLN: "You can't keep talent like that locked up in a relationship"

U: "Support your local bartender- helping ugly people get laid!"

R: "Btw, I miss your house parties! ...I won't go anymore because I refuse to support Dawg's ego."

A: "Awwww :( We WILL hang out soon I promise. And I'm sorry about K and the hover pee and I hope it's a good magazine at least."

Marie from When Harry Met Sally: "All I'm saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband."

Stuff Single Girls Like Blog: "...We can talk about birth control (because abstinence is not an option), Brazilians (not the people), penises (yes, we compare notes), blow jobs (yes, we share techniques) and battery-operated 'boyfriends.'"

Stuff Single Girls Like Blog: "Why do we never see our non-single girlfriend? She's spending all her time nesting with the boyfriend at home."

R: "If someone isn't apologetic for hurting you, they have no right to call you a friend."

EM: "My gift is my song. And you can tell everyone that this is your song.. I hope you don't mind.. that I put down in words, how wonderful life is now you're in the world."

A Sephora product review: "Not that it matters to anyone but the manufacturer, but I like the packaging."

Luck? Check.

So I've been thinking a lot about the article on "lucky" people and how their viewpoint seems to continue making them lucky (see previous post: How to Make Your Own Luck).

I've been trying to figure out how much thoughts actually contribute to real life outcomes. It's kindof an interesting experiment; once you start believing -really believing- that good things will happen to you, they do happen. Sure, it may be chance. Those good things may have happened regardless of how you look at life. But it almost seems to be a snowball effect. The more you continue to think about the positive instead of negative aspect to life, it seems like more good things are happening to you, because you don't let the bad things get you down.

Of course bad things still happen; they happen to everyone no matter what. But if you stop dwelling on that, you have more of a chance to accept new opportunities. You will also find you'll start to attract friends/acquaintances who think positively, too. This is great because who wants a friend who constantly whines about life? That just brings you both down.

So think positively! All you have to lose is negativity.

Warped Nightmare

I never imagined I would be the last "single friend" in my circle of friends. Every week it gets closer. Because at least every week I see another "engaged" status, or "in a relationship" status on my newsfeed. It's great that my friends are getting married. But not great for me. Just because I'm only 22. I'm not supposed to be the last single friend yet! I'm not even old enough to rent a car! It's like a warped sense of time where everyone else's life is fast-forwarding, while mine is set to slow-motion. I mean.. I already know married couples my age who are having KIDS. KIDS.

The weird thing is that I'm happy being single. Wanting a boyfriend is no longer my problem. My PROBLEM is finding friends that aren't preoccupied with their boyfriends/husbands. Because how fun is it to go thru 100 contacts on your phone just to find that they're all busy. And when they aren't busy, they don't want to go out dancing or have a "girl's night out." So what do you do with them? You essentially have nothing important in common with them anymore. I mean, even if you do, there is always this strange underlying feeling that you'll never be on the same level as them.

Is it possible to stay close to friends who get married? They're entering a completely foreign world.. all they want to talk about is buying houses, married plans, their husband, etc. Single people don't want to talk about that.. at least, NOT at 22 years old! Ew.

How to Make Your Own Luck

This is an excerpt from a Fast Company article, written by Daniel H. Pink, 2003:

"[Lucky people] have various game plans running in their heads.

We are traditionally taught to be really focused, to be really driven, to try really hard at tasks. But in the real world, you've got opportunities all around you. And if you're driven in one direction, you're not going to spot the others.

Unlucky people, if they go to a party wanting to meet the love of their life, end up not meeting people who might become close friends or people who might help them in their careers. Being relaxed and open allows lucky people to see what's around them and to maximize what's around them."

So he's saying that being a "lucky" person is as simple as being open to opportunities you didn't necessarily plan for. Some opportunities might not "work out" the way you wanted them to, but you've gotta be flexible and optimistic. Even bad experiences can have positive influences on your life if you allow it. Your friends might all be busy on a night you want to go out. That shouldn't stop you from going out on your own, having a great time, and meeting more people than you would have if your friends had been there. Who knows, maybe one of those new people you meet will ask you to model for their salon company. You know, not like that happened to me.

Laughing

You know those times where a bunch of things really shake you up and you get a bit freaked out/emotional? And there's no one who would understand the situation, so you either bottle it up, explode, or laugh your head off? Well I want to understand exactly why expressing these feelings allows you to let go of the situation and move on. I guess this would apply to anything, really.

But for a situation like this, I especially want to know why it works that way.

The other night I was driving home from work. It had been the most fucked up and out of sorts night of work I've ever had. There is definitely a large degree of comfortability in knowing what to predict, but when that is turned completely upside down --especially without time to think of a rough backup plan-- chaos can and will ensue.

So I was driving home in the early hours of the morning when no one but cops and the occasional pulled-over-drunk-fucks were still on the roads. I was pretty shaken up from what happened at work & just needed to feel "normal" again. I was telling my "weak" self that I didn't need to cry or do anything rash to feel better. But weak self was saying, "Hey at least crying will let it out so you can feel better in a minute." Neither side ended up winning, because then I noticed something amusing.

I was driving up Rhode Island to get home; anyone who knows this road knows it has exactly the right amount of traffic lights which are set to turn red often enough that you can never drive continuously. Especially when you get stuck at one red light, because that dooms you to get all red lights from then on. However, this is more irritating in normal day time hours, because traffic means you cannot keep sailing thru lights when they first turn green- you have to wait for the cars who stopped for that previously red light to start moving.

So essentially, I was too wrapped up in self debate to try to sail continuously through these traffic lights, like I normally would. If you drive fast enough, you can beat the red lights. So suddenly this other car goes speeding by me, snaps me out of my preoccupation, and right away I knew that's what he was doing. So it turned into this game where one of us would be ahead for awhile, then it would switch. The funny thing was that we traveled the same route for the longest time. Finally we were stopped at the same traffic light next to each other. I look over and this car (couldn't see the driver) pulls back.. the light is about to turn green... and then 3- 2- 1, he shoots forward. You definitely had to be there to see how funny this was, but the point is I broke out laughing like I was crazy. And then I felt better.

I guess if you hold something in, different types of emotion can express it. Laughing is just a healthier option.

Purely for your amusement

So I thought I would continuously compile a list of pick up lines/comments men have used on me...

1) In the chip aisle at the grocery store: "Oh I'll stack you like those chips"
2) While riding my bike on campus: "Can I get a ride?"
3) Halloween weekend, walking back to to my car: "Can I put this up on your shoulder?" A guy referring to this foot-long costume snake coming out of his pants.


More to come..

An End to the Parallel

Why is there nothing more frustrating than growing apart from good friends? You became friends with various people at various times because you had something in common. Something important enough in common. Then a couple years go by and you start to realize your paths are slowly, but very surely branching off in separate directions.

First of all, isn't it normal for friends to help friends become better people? The most frustrating thing to me right now is when a good friend refuses to let me help them change for the better. Not CHANGE THEM, but HELP THEM change. Maybe you should leave them alone, shouldn't bother. But is that being a true friend?? No.. Well I don't think so. Say you used to have the same weakness as they do, but you worked on it until you improved. You know exactly how to get better at it, but your friend doesn't want your help. They don't want to change. They feel no reason to change, no matter what you think and say.

Secondly, I believe that the more willing a person is to work on their weaknesses, the stronger that person is. Because it takes a strong person to first of all, admit they have a weakness; and it takes a stronger person to actually work toward strengthening that weakness. Because it's uncomfortable. For example, say you're awful at cooking. You can either continue to eat out the rest of your life, or you can learn to cook & enjoy having friends over for dinner & even lower your food costs. But at first, your dishes may not turn out so good. People may laugh at your cooking efforts. But that's no reason to avoid learning to cook! This is why it takes a strong person to work out their weaknesses; you have to get through the rough patches to get to smoother ground.

Rabbit Trail --[But this is what gets me -- Why wait till "later" to acknowledge and work on your weaknesses?? It's just dumb! I mean, here were are in college, with tons of resources and opportunities available to us. We aren't really expected to be "perfect" or "grown up" yet. So it's the perfect place to work out kinks & weaknesses. I mean, who wants to graduate, get to the real world, and not be able to list "touch typing" and interpersonal skills as skills/strengths? Those skills are definitely expected once you graduate. And life skills aren't much different; in fact, they're probably more important. Who wants to graduate and realize they can't live on their own, cook for themselves, figure out driving directions, manage money, or fix a relatively simple computer problem? Why wait until these skills are essential to life to work on being good at them? I just can't fathom why people do this. Just put in a little bit of hard work now, and it'll be easier later. My mom says it's because people just don't realize that. But it's so obvious that I think they have to realize it. So I'm still at a loss as to why people strongly resist bettering themselves.]

Thirdly, I believe that the stronger you are, the stronger your respective friendships, relationships, and acquaintances will be. So when you try to help a friend become stronger and they refuse to work on it or let you help them, they're indirectly contributing to a weaker friendship.

Some people are more willing to work on their shortcomings, while some will resist at any cost. And some people are good at sitting back & not helping a friend whose shortcomings glare you in the face until you're blind.I'm not one of those people who can easily sit back & watch a friend stay immature while I grow up. I want to help them discover freedom & adulthood like I am starting to discover.

It's like I'm climbing a mountain. From my view, there is no reason or desirability to be at a lower point on the mountain, because I've gotten past most of the trees & can see for miles. But a lot of my friends are still hiking through the trees & have stopped to rest. And don't want to come any further right now. I don't want to go on alone, but I would rather do that than go back down to those stuffy dark trees where you can't see anything.

You obviously want to help your friends prepare for the next segment of the journey, so they can come along with you. But if they refuse, there's nothing you can do. Nothing. And that's when paths branch off.

Disclaimer

I'm pretty sure I flashed my thong and/or butt crack at about 20 innocent bystanders in Stamp today. Disclaimer: If you have been psychologically scarred by this viewing, I do not apologize or take responsibility for this event.

I do, however, advise against wearing pants that don't have an elastic waistband after a weekend of not having time to eat. That said, enjoy your Monday!

1 Reason

There is one underlying reason as to why I do not choose to be a christian. I cannot chose a way of life that essentially entails following a list of rules. And there IS reason & rhyme to this. I know the christians make all these claims that their religion is NOT a bunch of rules, but the point of being a christian is to follow Christ.. which means you need to do certain things (aka follow rules, guidelines, whatever you want to call them); otherwise you're following yourself and there is no point in calling yourself a Christian.

So that's the reason- I can't chose a way of life in which I can't choose to edit the rules & morals according to different situations.

To me, it doesn't make sense or seem very realistic, or even functional, to use someone else's rules to live out your own life. And according to christianity you must follow the rules no matter what (unless you want to sin). And I do agree that the "end" does not justify the means. You shouldn't just do whatever you want to get to a certain end point. However, what if there's a situation where there's nothing else better to do?

For example, say a friend keeps flaking out on you, 9 out of 10 times. This is just "how they are," but you feel extremely disrespected. They don't even let you know right away if they can't show up; they let you find that out after they never show up or answer their phone. So you confront them in a kind way, asking what's going on and what can be done so this pattern can stop. They refuse to see there is a problem. So you start flaking on them, because that seems like the only way to make them realize how shitty it feels to be flaked on by friends.

In this example, I would MUCH RATHER teach someone a lesson by reciprocating their wrong actions to them-- than to let them keep treating me as a doormat. However, two wrongs don't make a right.

Right?

And I'm not sure this explains the reason fully. What I am using too many words to explain is: why choose a pre-determined set of behaviors that you can't even theoretically imagine yourself successfully following? Why would I chose a way of life that says "to be drunk is sin" when I occasionally plan to get a bit drunk? Why would I set myself up for failure? I find it extremely hard to figure out how to abide by christian rules without becoming a generic stereotype of a christian that both I and everyone else will hate.

Side Note: I love Incubus

7am. The garbage truck beeps as it backs up up & I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away..

Vivacious

What is it about some days where you seem to just wake up on the right side of the bed -and for NO apparent reason? Don't get me wrong -I'm not complaining! I just want to figure out why it happens.. so I can make it happen more often.

Maybe I just had an especially great night's sleep. Or feel satisfied about being productive over the weekend. Or getting my study time organized. Either way, I woke up feeling great about today. I have so much motivation that nothing can stop me from getting things done.

I know it's part of life to have ups and downs. I mean, if you have a couple depressing or just tired/dragging days, anything that follows is likely to be better by mere chance (because even a mundane day is better than negative days). But today is better than a mundane day. For some reason I feel unusually focused & enthusiastic about today. Even life in general.

I guess I'll stop dissecting this & go enjoy my day :)

You're a Joke.

I feel like every day I live, the male species proves itself to be increasingly disappointing. Just when I think they can't do anything more idiotic, they prove me wrong.

I try really hard to give them the benefit of the doubt. I don't think all men are idiots. I try to hold on to the idea that there ARE normal, sane guys out there. Maybe I'm just surrounded by the wrong types of people, but either way I'm still starting to think there IS no other type.

Today I got a facebook-poke from some guy I've never seen before. He graduated from a different school and lives in another state. We have one friend in common (who I met once at a bar & haven't talked to since). There is just no reasoning behind poking someone you don't know or have something in common with (Like living in the same state). Does this guy actually think I am going to poke back or msg him? Get a brain. And a better hobby.

Idiots #2

So this blog is about men. Again. Okay, I don't know what it is, but guys won't seem to leave me alone these days. And instead of being flattered, I'm a bit peeved. To understand, you gotta hear the background..

See, I've finally struck this little era in my life where I'm becoming increasingly stable/happy/content without a man in my life. I've been really busy with school, work, and volunteering. I love all of these activities. They're building me up to accomplish my major life goals, which is probably why I feel so accomplished. School is obviously going to get me a degree. Work gives me a social life, so I don't go crazy studying; plus money, so I can buy clothes/shoes (hey, looking good improves your mood & even professional rep for the better!). Volunteering is going to get me an internship & job after I graduate.

I also have more people and friends in my life now. This is partly because of all these activities I've been consistently involved with. Some of it's also because I've trained myself to be less blabby about my life. My friends are much more interested in hanging out and/or catching up, because they're interested in finding out what I've been up to. I'm also 100% more positive than I was spring semester. I don't push my issues down people's throats anymore -I either deal with the issues or just keep 'em to myself. There are a few select people who I still mention drama to, but mainly just when I need advice from them.

My skin has been flourishing since cutting down on dairy, plus Kristin & I have been making an effort to dress with a more professional edge. So all of the above has probably been contributing to my contentment in life, and thus, my attitude toward men -because I finally believe & KNOW that I do not need a man. I've finally proved it to myself. I guess that's somehow all spoken wordlessly through my body language. Thus, the reason why I've been getting too much male attention recently.

Well, that or I've been using the metro 200% more in the past 2 weeks.

So basically I've been trying to think of ways to keep men from hitting on me on the metro. It's just annoying because I always bring homework with me & I don't need creepers stealing my study time. Not to mention that so far none of them bother to speak clearly or look me in the eye! I've thought of everything from telling them I'm celibate, to ignoring them completely, wearing earphones, bringing a boy everywhere with me, and more. Let me know if you have any good tactics.

Idiots

Okay, What IS IT with guys honking at/yelling to/screaming at/whistling at girls when they drive by you??

I mean, what are they actually getting out of this? I think I get why they do it when they're in a car with fellow male friends -just egos that want attention. But it even happens when they're driving solo. Sometimes it's creepy, sometimes it's annoying, sometimes it's just pathetic, and one in a while it scares you out of your wits.

The later is my point of interest. Today I was walking along, far off in my own little world, when a car of guys drives by and screams out the window. I couldn't understand what they actually said, but I jumped because it definitely scared me. My immediate response was to flick them off. Which I did.

I remember in highschool we used to drive around the neighborhood and scream right when we drove by someone. It was funny to see them jump.. but that was in highschool. And it wasn't just guys doing it to girls. I'm really irked that shit like this is still rampant in college.

And besides the freaking-people-out factor, why do guys feel this need to hit on everything they pass.. by whistling and stuff? I mean, it just broadcasts how much of an idiot the guy is (unless he actually knows the girl) and the girl is never impressed.

I've asked different guys why they think it happens or why they do it. One response was that the guy has heard of it working waaaay back when... but I don't think that's the main reason. I think they know, probably from experience, that driving past a girl at 40mph doesn't get her in bed; I mean, duh, you're essentially driving away from her. I think they do it to puff up their egos, to feel like they rule their world, that they have the authority to call at women & have whoever they want. I think they want to feel that way, and so they give off that persona to whoever's watching or in the car with them.

Aka, they're idiots.

Today would be a good day to disappear to the beach.

The title does, in fact, have something to do with this post..

I've pinned the nail on the head. The reason I detest my married friend's lives is not because they're actually married. It's because I don't think it's the best thing for most of them- at least not THIS early in their lives. Here's what I mean-

Bullshit major + always having a man in their life + always having family around, almost always ='s a girl who is forever dependent on someone else.

The thing I hate about this is that these girls can't cook, they have no idea who they are without their family a step away, they don't have separate friends from their husband, they don't always have separate interests from their husband, they have few street smarts, and most detestable-they cannot figure out directions.

This really pisses me off. If you can't figure out directions, you are literally never going anywhere new without the help of someone else. Isn't that what quadriplegics feel like? Except they downright can't get anywhere without help. But these girls are actually choosing to be handicapped in a very real way. Never being too far from family, never going on adventures on your own, always having someone else there to figure life out for you/get you places.. these things keep your comfort zone super small.

Having a large comfort zone is incredibly important to me. When I see people who haven't widened theirs since high school, it alarms me. Even baby birds get kicked out of the nest eventually. Otherwise THEY'D NEVER LEARN TO FLY.

And that is my point. Alot of people have to be completely on their own before they make the effort to figure out life for themselves. And apparently most of my married friends have skipped this essential part of life.

If you don't agree with my fervor on this, consider this example. A friend wants directions to a place 3 miles down the road. You say, go south down rhode island, turn right on greenbelt road, Left on rt 1, Right on Knox, and right at the parking garage. The friend looks at you with this blank stare.. So you draw a map. She still stares blankly. You show her google maps. Tie in places she's been before so she can visualize where the turns are. It's like putting water in a sieve. So you try to find the address of this parking garage .. because she has a gps.. but surprise, parking garages don't always have addresses & gps owners don't always know how to use their gps. The friend still claims she has no idea where this place is, even tho there are only 4 turns. So you offer to drive her there ahead of time. So you do that. You drive her to the place and back. But 3 hrs later she asks if you could just drive her there the next day.

So you just wasted an hour on something completely unproductive.

This just makes me incredibly thankful for the lonely periods in my life. You know, the times when I hated being lonely & was jealous of the relationships my friends had. Well now I have life skills & they have husbands. The pain was definitely worth it. I just didn't realize it at the time.

Normal has become abnormal?

Look. For ONCE I'd like to go on a date with a normal man. Not a stoner, not a male whore, not a player, not a man with serious "pending" issues (if he's taken care of the issues he's fine), not a man who's looking for a girlfriend & willing to settle for anyone, not a man trying to force christianity on me.. and that leaves just about no one. Oh, except for the few who are already dating/married.

Sooo.. where are the normal guys?? Hello, I'm a normal girl & I'm looking for you.

Done

Having a significant other is not an excuse to ditch friends.. contrary to popular belief. It's actually not that hard to balance a boyfriend with pre-existing friends. There is no reason to block out best friends when you start dating someone, even in the beginning! If you can't balance friends & your sig other, you're probably going to lose the friends. When you break up with the sig other, you have to create a life without them. And you may have to go shopping for new friends that don't know you'll drop them for your next boyfriend. Unless they know your old friends.

I can't get over how people think there's nothing wrong with ignoring previous best friends to make time for a significant other. Your significant other doesn't need to be the center of your life. They should be part of it, not the whole thing. So few people understand this that I can count them on one hand.

I wish people wouldn't tune me out when I explain that I think people should keep a part of their life separate from the relationship- you should still be able to hang out with old friends and take part in hobbies you enjoy. You don't have to always be with your sig other!

Please realize this before you lose all your friends.

One Thing?

In an episode of House, one of his patients is a famous musician. The patient comments that neither he or House is married with a life beyond work. The patient goes on to say that this is because they both have one thing, this one passion that consumes their life. They're the best at what they do in this one area, but they don't have time for anything else. Normal people, on the other hand, he says, have spouses, children, hobbies, etc- because they don't have that one thing.

When you have a really strong passion in one area of your life, it can be easy to let the rest of life pass you by. You put 100% of your efforts into that one passion, because you're not happy unless you do.

But is letting other parts of life pass you by the right thing to do? I mean, aren't there plenty of people who are "the best" at what they do, but they still have families and lives besides their work?

I have at least two passions that mean the world to me, and if I can't succeed in those areas, I don't want to be alive. Death is more desirable to me than a generic life. I mean, if all you're doing is working at some job you don't care about, the world doesn't need you. You've become generic- because someone else could do your job, just as well as you do it. That's why it's so important to follow your passions. But at the same time, how far should you follow them? I guess that's something you figure out as you live life..

I feel a rise in Cortisol right about now..

What is it, ex-act-ly, that makes a new job so stressful? Is it the fear of not being qualified for the job? If that was the case, then you wouldn't have been hired.. Theoretically. Is it the annoyance of buying suitable work clothes? The fear of buying the wrong type of work clothes & appearing out of place? Is it pre-stress; as in, stressing about being stressed later for having less time in your schedule due to the new job? Is it fear of the unknown? Is it fear that the job won't be worth your time? Is it fear that it will take time from your highest priorities? Or the unease that your "highest priorities" are being pushed out of the way for a need for money & social support? Or is it stressful just to realize you're stressed & you can't fix it because there are too many factors out of your control?

I think all of those questions contribute to why a new job is stressful. Now I'm going to have to find a way to neutralize them. Force my brain not to perceive these things as stressful. Can that last through a change in emotion, though? Because if not, there's not point in "fixing" it, if it's just going to come undone as soon as a new state of emotion or change in perception toward the situation occurs.

Hmmm..

Community

I hate College Park. It's definitely the dirtiest, most disgusting place I have ever lived. I also happen to live there, obviously not by choice. The only reason I haven't up & moved is the same reason I moved here in the first place: college. But the mere fact that it's a college town is what repulses me most. The more I mature & grow up, the more repulsing everything is. The majority of people living in the area are 18-22 years old. Now that I'm 22, the majority are the same age or younger than I am.

I haven't made many friends in College Park because most of the people I meet aren't worth having friendships with. I'm not stuck up, I just don't care to spend time with 22 yr olds who call themselves best friends & talk about eachother behind their backs. I mean, it's been four years since highschool; please GROW UP.

In the last year, I've practically spent more time in every surrounding city than here in College Park. That's how much it repulses me. But I've realized something. It's much easier to keep up friendships when you see the friends more often. This happens more if you live near them. Your paths just have a greater chance of crossing.

While I've realized that already, I wasn't able to put it into practice because I wasn't making friends in the area. I tried, but "making friends" was the end goal. I put everything into clubs, activities, school groups, in an effort to make friends, but to no avail. Hence, why I kept hanging out with friends in Baltimore, DC, Virginia, MoCo, etc.

But I've finally broken through a wall. It's like an invisible wall that I'd been searching for and finally walked through- without knowing it at the time & without much direction. I just stumbled through it.

Basically, I prioritized what was most important in my life. Most important is graduating college & getting a dietetics internship. Second is having social life/support system. Once I cut out distractions, things started improving drastically. I cut out everything that was keeping me from reaching my ultimate goals- mostly people I relied too much on & activities that weren't healthy. I needed to stop relying on people so I could focus on my top two priorities.

Once I started focusing, I actually started to make friends. It's like that was the key I'd been missing. I finally chose just two things to focus on, ran to my goals with side blinders on, and friends came along with it.

At first it's lonely, cutting out everything. But putting 100% into what's most important to you has its own satisfaction. It also makes you more happy with yourself. I'm not really sure why friends result from this, but I guess chasing your passions will cause you to run into people who share them. So it really is true- the more you're involved with your community (not the next city, not the place you wish you lived, but YOUR neighborhood), the more it starts to become your home.

It's important to have a place you call home. I know, because I went 2 years without having one. Home, to me, means a place where you feel connected to other people. Where you run into friendly faces, where people are truly happy to see you, know your name, actually take a minute to stop and chat. These are the little things that give you a sense of belonging in a city. Having friends and being connected to other people allows you to share your successes and failures, enjoy activities, learn, and get farther in life than you would on your own. And I think that's what life's all about. To put it simply, people need people.

Being connected to your community is really what makes it your home. And I have finally found mine.

Single is to married friends as oil is to...

Not going insane while all my friends are getting married? I'd like to say it's a breeze, but truthfully, its near impossible.

I mean, can you really avoid concentrating on the reality that you're all alone when it continually slaps you in the face?

I make the group an odd number, I have to ward off the creepy guys on my own, I'm the one people avoid inviting because then they'd have to invite another single person "for me", I have to endure lengthy male glances & completely inappropriate comments/pickup lines literally anywhere I go, I have to be both the navigator in the passenger seat & the driver at the same time, I talk to myself since there's rarely anyone listening or truly willing to listen, people actually take more interest in my life when I have a boyfriend, I'm the one that gets volunteered for all the dares at bachelorette parties, I'm the only one not checking in with parents or husbands/boyfriends while hanging out with literally anyone, I'm the "bitter" one who never looks forward to valentines day, I don't get easter baskets or chocolates or flowers, none of my jewelry has special meaning, I'm the only one who notices when I'm sad, I don't know the answer when guys ask why I don't already have a boyfriend, I don't enjoy chick flicks, I give myself back and neck massages, I'm that person sitting alone at the bar chatting up strangers, and yes, I'm the one who glares at cluelessly happy couples.

But I'm also the one who has the craziest first date stories, comes home at 5 in the morning, gets free dinners & drinks, hops the fence at night to go swimming and have makeout fests with random hot guys, makes the best sarcasm about non-singles, buys myself presents instead of wasting the money on a restaurant I didn't want to go to, gets the best sleep because I don't have someone trying to fuck or cuddle me in their wet dreams, my accomplishments mean more to me because I won them on my own, I contribute more to the friendships in my life because I don't have one person sucking up all my time or energy, I bake double recipes of my favorite cookies from scratch and don't have to share, I eat out of the fridge because I don't have to schedule my life around anyone, I can walk away from arguments, I can throw my purse on the passenger seat, I can listen to my favorite 30 seconds of 10 different songs in a row without annoying people who want to listen to the whole song, I can listen to my favorite radio station 100% of the time, I don't have to sit thru sports games or take interest in things I have zero interest in, I can hit on hot strangers and grind/dance with anyone I please at clubs with a clear conscience, I can dress slutty to my heart's content and go out on the town without it being an issue, I can go dancing or jump in water fountains without boyfriend feeling awkward 'cause he doesn't want to join in, I can have close male friends and bartend and pole dance if I want to without creating jealousy or suspicion in someone else, I don't have to schedule date nights, I can be completely spontaneous and disappear for days at a time and not answer to anyone- ie, go to the beach for a day & make friends there & come home knowing I had a blast without waiting around for people to have time for me, I have TIME to learn a new language or design clothes or read old microbiology textbooks, or work multiple jobs, I don't feel the pain of missing my significant other when he's not around, I don't have to worry about what my family thinks of my boyfriend, I don't have to kiss a man with bad breath if I don't want to, no one chides me when I eat icecream for dinner, there's noone to get pisst off at because there IS no one, I don't have to tell anyone what I'm thinking, I can have sex with anyone I want, and I can, essentially, do whatever I want.

Still.. the benefits of being single don't compare most of the time, because there's no one to share the experiences with afterwards. Unless I want to blab about my irresponsible adventures to non-single people who usually start judging me inside their heads automatically. But I would like to know how they'd handle it?

And I'm only 22. I wonder what this pressure will feel like in a couple years when all my friends start having kids?

Wow. Water Pills.

If you haven't heard of Water Pills, they are a diuretic (makes you pee more) that is used to lose weight.. water weight. Apparently the idea is for losing weight in less than a week for events like weddings etc. And then you go back to being fat. Because when you stop taking the pills, you gain the water weight back very quickly.

The instructions say to drink extra water to stay hydrated while you use them. Except this doesn't even make sense; why would you drink water to replace the water you're trying to lose? Besides, aren't there easier weight loss quick fixes? I mean, I don't consider a danger of dehydration an easy fix. Because that's what ends up happening with most girls that take water pills- they double the dosage to make it work faster. The reason this is severely DUMB is that without a certain percentage of water in your body, you begin to experience dehydration symptoms- aka headaches, fatigue, muscle cramps, chills, nausea, etc.

Even anorexia makes more sense to me than going thru all of that unpleasantness. And that is just sad.

22... What do I do with that?

After your 18th and 21st birthdays, other birthdays seem to pale in comparison.

Nonetheless, birthdays are an excuse to celebrate your life & friends, take the day off, wear a pink boa, and enjoy the fact that you won't get older for another year.. Haha.

This year I almost forgot about my birthday. Thanks to my sister & best friend though, I was reminded plenty of times. I thought it was going to suck, just because I can already drink, I'm already an adult, and there isn't much more except the gateway to wrinkles and spider veins.

But for a 22nd birthday, it was pretty awesome! I got a boyfriend, money, food, and got to hang out with my best friend. What more could a college kid ask for?!

It makes you wonder, why are birthdays are so important to us? I mean, George Washington's birthday is a HOLIDAY. People take the day off for his BIRTHDAY- not theirs, HIS! The day he was sworn into office isn't a holiday, but his birthday is!

Psycho Americans.

Shoulda Woulda Coulda... Didn't.

You know those situations where something embarrassing happens? But you respond by acting pisst off? It could have been that hilarious episode everyone remembers months later. And you knew exactly what to say to make it funny.. the words just came to you too late.

So you walk away kicking yourself for making the situation negative instead of making everyone's day. I mean, too bad it's not every day you drop a thong in the hallway. And 2 guys say "Hey you dropped something".. before any of you realize what it is.

Valentine Conclusions

Oh, valentine's day..

I'm one of those people who has always hated this day, ever since I was old enough to realize what it really entailed. No longer was the entire class required to give valentines to everyone. Guys selectively asked other girls out on dates or gave them flowers and chocolate. Never me.

Except the time I got flowers for valentines day because I was a sneaky asshole & led on a guy I didn't like. And then he overdid it and actually sent me flowers on valentine's day. Other than that, I've just celebrated this day with friends and family. Obviously I'm thankful to have them, but as you know, it's more enjoyable to have "someone special" to celebrate love with.

So I hate valentines day. I don't need another reminder of the fact that I'm single and have been for essentially my whole life. But this valentine's day was a little different. I still resent the fact that I'm single against my choice, but I've been working really hard at several goals in my life. These are mostly academic and self-improvement goals. When you exercise self-control consistently, you can become the person you want to be. Which brings a good measure of contentment and satisfaction.

If I can't have a relationship right now, I am going to throw everything into the rest of my life. And I'm already happy with the preliminary results.

Most Important 433 Words to Read This Month

No matter how sophisticated and grown up we become, everyone has her insecure days. In this excerpt from her new book, Eve Ensler celebrates the true power of a woman.

"Dear Emotional Creature:

I believe in you. I believe in your authenticity, your uniqueness, your wildness. I love the way you dye your hair purple, or hike up your short skirt, or blare your music while you lip-synch every single memorized lyric. I love your restlessness and your hunger. You possess the energy that, if unleashed, could transform, inspire, and heal the world.

Everyone seems to have a certain way they want you to be- your mother, father, religious leaders, politicians, boyfriends, fashion gurus, celebrities, girlfriends. In reporting my new book [I am an Emotional Creature: The Secret Life of Girls Around the World], I learned a very disturbing statistic: 74 percent of young women say they are under pressure to please everyone.

I have done a lot of thinking about what it means to please: to be the wish or will of somebody other than yourself. To please the fashion setters, we starve ourselves. To please men, we push ourselves when we aren't ready. To please our parents, we become insane overachievers. If you are trying to please, how do you take responsibility for your own needs? How do you even know what your own needs are? The act of pleasing makes everything murky. We lose track of ourselves. We stop uttering declaratory sentences. We stop directing our lives. We forget what we know. We make everything OK instead of real.

I have had the good fortune to travel around the world. Everywhere I meet teenage girls and women giggling, laughing as they walk country roads or hang out on city streets. Electric girls. I see how their lives get hijacked, how their opinions and desires get denied and undone. So many of the women I have met are still struggling late into their lives to know their desires, to find their way.

Instead of trying to please, this is a challenge to provoke, to dare, to satisfy your own imagination and appetite. To take responsibility for who you are, to engage. Listen to the voice inside you that might want something different. It's a call to your original self, to move at your own speed, to walk with your step, to wear your color.

When I was your age, I didn't know how to live as an emotional creature. I felt like an alien. I still do a lot of the time. I am older now. I finally know the difference between pleasing and loving, obeying, and respecting. It has taken me so many years to be OK with being different, with being this alive, this intense. I just don't want you to have to wait that long. "

Love, Eve Ensler

Take 'em by surprise

"Breaking news!" I tell my sister. "I killed a spider in the bathroom by throwing water around it so that it lost its footing and got swept into the sink & down the drain! That way I didn't have to clean up spider guts by killing it another way!"

Rebecca replies, "But it might survive and crawl out, so I always kill them."

At least I made sure so much water followed it down the drain that it couldn't possibly have survived.

somewhere sunny please?

Winter blahs -noun: often characterized by 1) lack of motivation, 2) mild depression, 3) low energy.

Oh, that's what's wrong with me! Here are some solutions that I so kindly plagiarized from the internet:

1) Exercise. Endorphins can make you feel better and happier for several hours after exercising. Don't feel like braving the ice to get to the gym? That isn't an excuse. Jumping jacks, pushups, yoga, and chin ups require minimal equipment & space.

2) Eat healthy foods. You might crave pizza and Nabisco iced animal crackers,

but these refined foods can contribute to depression, lack of concentration, and mood swings (exactly what you're trying to get rid of).

So eat those things sparingly, or at least paired with healthier items such as salads, fruit, fiber-rich breads (ie, 100% whole wheat), and vegetables. Try making your own soups, in order to avoid canned soups (which pack enough sodium to give you either a heart attack or thyroid cancer eventually).

3) Make self improvement goals and work toward them. You'll feel better because you will be better.

4) Plan something exciting- the anticipation will improve your mood. Ie. a weekend trip, spa trip, girls/guys night out, themed party, or sporting event.

5) Get enough sleep. People naturally desire more sleep in the cold months. It doesn't necessarily mean you're lazy.

6) Socialize. Insurance statistics say that good social connections can add as much as 9 years to your life expectancy (http://www.attitudefactor.com/socialties.htm). So go hang out with a good friend, or talk to someone who makes you laugh.

7. Relax. Take time to read a book, do nothing, even take a bubble bath.

8. Put these things into practice, don't just read them.