Goals

Sometimes I'm just so unsure of where my life is going. Or how to actually work toward the goals I have. Goals aren't hard to make. It's figuring out exactly to carry them out, day to day, without giving up before the month is over that's hard. Once you make it through a month of practicing a new habit, you're fine. But getting there is tough.

Sometimes I don't have the energy or space of mind to choose the decision I truly want to make. And then I just revert back to my lazy self and don't change for the better.. I end up swimming in the same problems because I lose the momentum of excitement that initially motivated me.

Some people are so good at taking something and working through it until it's finished. AKA my sister Rebecca. She is the most persistent person I've ever known. When she wants something done, she sees it through to the end. No matter how many hurdles she has to jump over, or how many people she has to convince to help her (or do it for her). I'm usually too impatient and afraid that things won't come out right or that they won't be worth the effort. Or that I'll prove myself stupid and worthless in the process. This applies to nearly everything I've come up against this semester: making friends with my roommates, getting enough sleep, studying for my chemistry classes, handling my relationships with males, etc.

Sometimes I wish I could just make a decision ONE TIME. Not each time I come up against it. The more times I have to make the decision, the more times I screw up. But hey, perfection isn't gain. Making mistakes is how you learn.

But I hate making mistakes. And the more leadership positions you take, the more people see your mistakes. I don't think I was cut out to be a leader. It doesn't come naturally to me. And I don't understand why in this culture it's valuable for everyone to bring leadership experience into their career. Why can't the natural born leaders just work together with us followers? Are there just not enough of them?

Anyway, I've made my goal of the week. And this time I'm going to be more persistent in achieving it.