You never have it all figured out..

You never have it all figured out.. figuring out one thing just leads to more of the unknown.

I haven't blogged for ~2 weeks because life has been great; I haven't really had anything to dissect and figure out. 

But just now, I've realized that I have become bored with my life. It's a pretty strange realization to come to. 

At the same time, though, it's sortof a good thing for me, because it means that i've reached a certain stage of stability. I don't live off of constant drama or boys or anything else that causes extreme fluctuations in excitement/frustration/analyzation. I still see-saw between extremes in a few areas of my life, but more in the "normal" areas (ie, getting fit/eating healthy for a week or two, and the opposite the next week) but those are self control issues. The other things were filling certain needs. 

All this is leading me to more questions.  Why do I thrive on excitement? 

1. Does it cover up an emptiness or camoflauge something I'm unhappy with? 

2. Is it just a characteristic of my personality? 

3. Am I afraid my life appears boring to certain people?

I think the third is causing me to realize & deal with the first two. So looking at myself from a (perceived) outside perspective made me realize that my life is boring and why that is. 

So first of all, I have the sort of personality that feels intense highs, followed by intense lows in emotion. My emotions don't naturally stay very stable. I guess the highs are so pleasurable that I used to further intensify them by wild/exciting activities. Of course, that always intensified the lows, too, because that's how emotions work; they always balance out.  

And secondly, I'm still battling  (or trying to avoid) whether to commit to my faith. That's the emptiness that I am reminded of when I look into my life and see lack of excitement about things. I used to have intense excitement about my spirituality because I felt like I was really living.

I'm not sure how to deal with "needing" more excitement in my life.. it usually ends up being destructive excitement. But I'm going to work on that faith of mine & work on finding real, quality excitement.